A .... something

I wouldn't call this an admittance, or a confession.  It's merely a fact, that isn't really a fact.  Oh!  I think I'll call it a situation.  I've been trying to follow the promptings of the spirit more, even (especially) when I don't want to, or when they are terrifying.  This is one of those times. 

I can't have babies.

There.  I said it.  Although it's not true, which is why this post is so complicated.  Currently I am unable to get pregnant.  That might change in the future, maybe even as soon as next week when I ovulate.  Tmi?  Probably, but it's my blog, so neener neener! 

Lets do some backstory here:  I've always had irregular cycles, and was on birth control for most of my teenage years to try to help with that.  It didn't do much but make me MOODY, so I stopped when I graduated college, plus the fact that I had to pay for them myself now might have had something to do with it, lol!  Fast forward to when Aaron and I got married- I was on birth control for a whopping 4 months before I couldn't handle the mood swings any more, and got off it.  I thought for sure I'd get pregnant soon and be the Mormon equivalent of a greek baby making machine.  Well, that was 4 years ago on the 21st.  I didn't worry too much about it, and I still don't, actually, which is why this blog post is even more...weird.

Anyway, I've been to lots (LOTS) of doctors, trying to figure out my cycle, and had lots (LOTS) of blood drawn by nice nurses who unfortunately didn't practice enough on people whose veins don't roll or collapse, but that's a different story for a different day.  Nobody has ever (EVER) been able to find anything wrong.  How can this be?  I have no idea.  Apparently I'm perfect!  Score!  Now my claims are grounded in science!!! 

I've also taken more medication than I can count (or care to, for that matter), trying to get me to ovulate.  The dr's were even hoping for me to miscarry, because that would mean that I can actually conceive, but no luck on that, thank heavens.  That is one trial that I don't think I could ever handle.  I'm currently taking meds to make me ovulate, and it has actually worked, 2 months in a row!  This would be the 3rd month, if it works.  If it does work, I'm going to keep taking it until I get pregnant, but that's not the point of this blog. 

I don't actually know what the point of this blog is supposed to be.  I think I'm just tired of making perky little comments every time someone asks me if I am pregnant- "nope, haven't jumped off the deep end yet!"...gag.  Why is is that I feel like a failure as a woman, and as a Mormon, because I've been medically unable to have kids to this point?  But that's not the point of this post either.  Basically, I don't think I have a point.  Unless you're talking about the one on top of my head, har har.  Funny stuff, eh?  I'll be here all week, folks!  So here's to a point less (but not pointless) blog- I haven't had kids yet, but I will someday. 

In the meantime, we'll actually start posting about Christmas (gasp!) and our trip to Kansas City, and nothing in between, because we haven't really done anything in between those two things. 

Toodles!